When Life Wrecks Your Plans

BreatheI had a plan and a schedule for blogging. I had a plan for my business with clear goals and schedules. We do that, don’t we? We talk to someone or read an article and make plans to change everything that’s bugging us. We set goals and make schedules that are designed to help us surpass those goals. We get started, knowing that life will change and it’s going to be great.

And then Life Happens.

A Significant Life Event changes your life in an instant.

You may be driving, and answer your phone after pulling over.  An eerily calm voice identifies herself, verifies whom you are, she tells you that your father has had an episode and is on the way to the hospital

Or, a calm caller tells you that your mother took a downturn from her fragile stability, and you need to consider hospice care. Now.

Or a doctor calls to tell you that you need cancer surgery and aggressive treatment.

Or that your veterinarian calls to tell you that your beloved dog or cat has advanced-stage cancer and has only a week or so to live.

What do you do?

Breathe. And if you are driving, pull over and put the car in park. Double-check that. If you are at work or out in public, go somewhere you have some privacy and can talk freely

Take lots of notes. These calls send us into shock. Our breathing gets shallow. We feel cold. Our heart rate and pulses increase. Our minds race. We struggle to pay attention.

Deep breaths will help calm you. And allow you to take notes. And make initial decisions.

Life is permanently changed. Chaos will reign until you can get a few aspects settled into a manageable mess.

This is what happened to me, after my last workshop in 2015. A shocking series of events obliterated all of my plans. The wisdom from those sixteen months is still percolating to the surface of my consciousness. I now know, with 100% certainty, what it is like to clear out homes in the midst of significant life events, what it is like to manage care for loved ones who are terminal, how to manage estates for difficult relatives, how to carefully deal with family dynamics in the midst of trauma and loss, and also what grief feels and looks like over time.

I also know that I had to learn those things, and many more, in order to be more skilled at my work. I had to go to greater depths in order to be able to understand my clients and see how they are blocked (and why) and help them move through the layers and layers of grief, loss, and complicated emotions.

I know what it is like to look and ask for help. And then to realize that the “help” is not always helpful.

I’ve thought about blogging for about two months but was encumbered with negotiations. I knew that when I started blogging, it would be for you the reader, not me. I can’t write about a topic until I’ve worked through it and have mined it for wisdom. I must write so you can see yourself in it and can use the information to help you work through your situation.

Thank you for reading this! I hope you continue to read these entries and follow me as I grow this work and help clients create space in their lives where none previously existed. We need space in our lives to change out circumstances for the better.

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